I bet he comes in French.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
