i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
