the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
