I think i peed on brittanys purse
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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