just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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