Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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