Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
