just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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