I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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