i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
