Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
