life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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