oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
