Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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