I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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