Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
