I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Never underestimate the power of titties
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
