I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
