The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
