so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
