if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
