i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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