Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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