Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
