so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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