you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
