Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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