Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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