He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
