If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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