If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
