3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
