i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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