no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
