im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
