I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
