wat bout pragnant strippers??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
