Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
