Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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