How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
