the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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