I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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