she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
that is very illegal...i love you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
