I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
