you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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