Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize