I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
