Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
