its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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