I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
