I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
