I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
